The Post That Has Been Bombarded By Durians

Hello people,

Whether we like it or not, death is a part of life. We all have and will encounter this along the way to our own eventual demise. Over the past year, we've lost countless celebrities and other regular people, just like us. This blog is about the latest life that we lost.

While I've been back in Penang, I've come across a few people's Facebook statuses in which they've been RIP-ing a girl called Anya. If anyone is unfamiliar with this, please read: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/anyamichellemckinney

Done? Good.

I didn't know about what happened before visiting that website, of course. So I assumed the girl died of cancer, which is terrible, or AIDS, which is terrible.

But no. She fell off a roof.

Which begs the question! Why was she on the roof in the first place? One does not have to be Einstein to realise that playing on a roof is NOT the safest thing to do. Besides, it's not like the girl was a toddler. She's ELEVEN. This, sad to say, deserves an honourable mention in the Darwin Awards (http://www.darwinawards.com/), along with her parents. Why her parents, you might ask? Well who else would teach her the common sense not to play on roofs?

It's safe to say not many people would take notice if a 40 year old man fell from a roof while playing on it. In fact, many would call him a dumbass. Most of us are sympathising with Anya's family because she was only a child. And yes, what's happened is incredibly sad, but it was definitely preventable.

Thongster, out.

The Post That Rose On The Fifteenth Day

Okay, I've been neglecting the blog for awhile and for no good reason. However now I DO have a great reason to update my blog, and its because of football.

"Wow!" I might hear you think. Shocking, Jonathan's using his blog because of football. But this time its not because of the English Premier League (which, by the way, is resuming again in a couple of weeks. Hurrah!), and more because of a local sporting event. Of which I am part of. It is the Monash University Indoor Soccer League Division 2. Just for your information, Division 2 isn't the second tier of the competition, it's simply matches that are played on Wednesday.

Anyway, the team that I am part of, and skippering, is called September XI. Now, for those of you that don't know Roman numerals, XI stands for 11. Put the two together, and you'd probably not understand what it means unless you're familiar with the world game. And what would be considered current affairs almost 8 years ago.

So, I shall advertise the fact that our league debut is on this coming Wednesday, the 5th of August 2009 between 5-7pm. There's a Facebook group for the team and also an event for our league debut. We're looking for fans to start a hardcore fanbase and to cheer on our team to victory.

September XI will blow you away

The Post That Is Insanely Hungry

I've gone a whole day without food. Okay, maybe not food, but a proper meal. The only things I've eaten are ice cream (green tea, of course), popcorn and chocolate. I RARELY EAT CHOCOLATE. It's not like I'm lactose intolerant or allergic to nuts, I just don't enjoy the taste of chocolates. I don't mind a bit of white chocolate with mint, but the usual dark or milk chocolate? Takes a lot to get me to eat that.

It's a quarter past one, 9 degrees celsius and I'm in my PJs, which means I can't and don't want to go out for a Macca's run. Also I'd be doing it alone, which is sad. Probably just man the fuck up and deal with this hunger. Anyway, tried to post some Flight of the Conchord videos, but I epic failed. So, that's a pity.

Need to eat...

The Post That Can't Let Go

Well, we have done it. The perfect sending off for Guus Hiddink. Beating Everton 2-1 to win the FA Cup was great, but we could've won more comfortably. Conceding a goal under half a minute certainly wasn't the best of starts, but the team known for its resilience played its way out of a mess and eventually ended up deserved winners.

Personally, I felt Lampard deserved to be Man of the Match, rather than Ashley Cole. Lampard also didn't deserve that yellow card for diving, simply because Frank Lampard does not dive. Should've been a penalty, but whatever. More calls for video referreeing will be made tomorrow morning as well, seeing that Malouda's shot from 35 yards crossed the line via the crossbar, although it is a wonder how he missed the goal completely from 5 yards out.

But anyway, it's great to have won some silverware after the season's disappointment. Hopefully Ancelotti will be a great manager, if he does come to Chelsea. As for now, thank you Guus for what you have done. Hope to see you prowling the Stamford Bridge touchline again, one day.

The Post That Does Not Pick Its Nose In Public

Poor bloggie, been neglected by me for... two months? Almost two months anyway. Around two months. Long time. Do I miss bloggie? Maybe. Been thinking about bloggie for awhile, whether or not I should put up a post. So here, after two months(-ish), a new post. Long awaited post. Is it? Can't be long awaited if nobody was waiting for it. Doubt anyone reads this now, but still, I post. Because I can.

Lol.

Anyway, I turned 18 six days ago. I've got my car down in Melbourne. I've successfully moved into my new apartment overlooking Albert Park. I just need to get some drawers and maybe a little cupboard and my room will be SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! Got all my posters up, only the Periodic Table of Sex isn't sticking up properly. Damn UHU Blu-tak. Found a card on my car advertising AusAlfa.com. Turns out to be a forum for Alfa Romeo drivers. I join it. Finds a voyeur photo of my car parked in uni. World is small.

Anyway, I'm sitting here literally watching paint dry while looking at the Arsenal vs Chelsea Gamecast live on Soccernet. Currently the clock is around the 65th minute mark and Chelsea have run Arsenal riot. It's currently 3-nil to the Boys in Blue courtesy of an Alex header, an Anelka long-ranger and a Kolo Toure own goal. You can imagine I'm rather happy about this, although I'd really prefer it if I could watch this live.

As for the part about watching paint dry... yes it's true. As a result of me not being too bothered about my Behavioural Studies essay (which I should be), I decided to start earlier on my design project. I have painted what will become a mailbox in a mixture of glossy varnish and a metallic powder thing. I assume it will require three coats of that mixture. Unfortunately it takes ages to dry and the fumes from the varnish is making me really light headed. Also I used a fair bit of UHU to glue the bits together so you can imagine what a paradise this would be to a sniffer.

(Game update: Niklas Bendtner [of all people] has pulled one back for ArseAnal. Score: ArseAnal 1-3 Chelsea)

I'm actually writing this post over 2 days. I got lazy typing it up, so I stopped until tonight. Or this morning, as it is 2.33am at the moment. I had also typed up a review about my Alfa, but I haven't included it here as I don't think anyone would bother to read it. I also got bored after awhile.

Game's pretty even now. 13 shots, 3 on target each. 50/50 possession. Adebaywhore just dived. I'll probably keep typing until the end of the match, then I'll get some sleep. It's nice to have a German "study week". It means I have no class on Monday, and my Tuesday hours will be reduced by 3 hours. 5 hours less of German altogether. We just made our first change, by the way: Ivanovic on for Bosingwa.

I've just gone and put my mailbox on the balcony. Those varnish fumes are driving me crazy! Which got me to thinking... this post is starting to read like a Tweet on Twitter. It's the last 10 minutes of the match and Arsenal seem to be piling pressure onto the Chelsea defence. I can't really tell, obviously, because I'm just looking at the match stats and live commentary.

86th minute and a GOAL for Chelsea. Malouda is put through by Lampard and Fabianski saves his first effort, then Anelka's follow-up hits the post and falls at the feet of Malouda who makes no mistake (words from Soccernet Live Commentary).

Things are looking grim for ArseAnal while Chelsea continue to put pressure on Liverpoo in second place. The ArseAnal fans are leaving the Emirates while Ballack comes on to replace Malouda, who has found his form under legendary manager Guus Hiddink.

2 minutes are added on.

And it's full time! Chelsea defeat London rivals ArseAnal 4-1 away at the Emirates. What an unbelievable way to bounce back after being knocked out of the Champions League by Barcelona.

That's that and Chelsea record their biggest away win at Arsenal for 40 years. Arsenal complete a week to forget with another home thumping, while the Blues have all but wrapped up third spot in the league and automatic qualification for the Champions League group stages. Bye for now.

The Post That Was Supposed To Be Posted Last Friday

So my friend Egg went to watch Kings of Leon in concert tonight, which left me with no one to go with to the footy. Some of you might've known that I really wanted to go and even created an event on Facebook and invited a few of my friends, some of which definitely weren't going to come. Anyway I'm gonna leave talking about the footy until later and start talking about concerts.



I went to watch Coldplay last Wednesday and they were absolutely brilliant. 2 hours of excellent entertainment by Chris Martin and the boys were backed up by a magnificent display of lights (... every song really), balloons (Yellow) and confetti (Life in Technicolour II). Unfortunately, this was preceded by very dull opening acts. The first one was more of an instrumental act with techno and guitars and drums and all that. The second act's lead singer was probably on some sort of narcotics and his voice was really whiney. Which annoyed me and some of the audience I'm sure.



I thought that two opening acts were tough, but spare a thought for the people watching Kings of Leon. SEVEN bands will be opening for KoL, which is ridiculous really. Okay, if you want to promote the locals bands then sure, go ahead, put a few on. But not seven of them. If they're good then perhaps its fine, but if the quality is like what I had before Coldplay, then bless the audience's patience. Opening acts are like foreplay really: if its good, then it gets you really fired up for the deed; if not, then you really just want to get things over with.



Anyway while Egg was off watching Kings of Leon, I roped in Gary to go see Geelong take on Collingwood in the NAB Cup Final. The final score was something ridiculous like Collingwood 51-127 Geelong. The umpiring in the match was pretty biased towards us (Geelong) but I guess we would've won anyway. The men next to me were persuading me to support the "superior" team but they left after 3-quarter time with me having the last laugh.



So anyway, I'll end this post with a great song:



WE ARE GEELONG
THE GREATEST TEAM OF ALL
WE ARE GEELONG
WE'RE ALWAYS ON THE BALL
WE PLAY THE GAME AS IT SHOULD BE PLAYED
AT HOME OR FAR AWAY
OUR BANNER'S FLYING HIGH, FROM DAWN TO DARK
DOWN AT KARDINIA PARK!

The Post That Is Haunted By Visions Of Carlos Tevez

In the midst of this recession or credit crunch we're in, it seems like BMW has found a micro-niche in the market that requires a new type of car. A car for the person who plays golf, surfs, buys the occasional Van Gogh painting, has long-legged business clients and short-legged friends. According to an animated promotional video BMW released, the PAS, or Progressive Activity Sedan, is exactly the car for that sort of person.

The PAS is designed for people who need to carry a lot of cargo but find a wagon has "too much utility" and a sedan "not roomy enough." Apparently SUVs such as the X5 are too difficult to climb into; making them impractical for people who take business clients out. BMW clearly hasn't realised that these executive types would probably have bought a 7-series to ferry their partners around.

BMW has also came up with a new term, the "semi-command seating position" as a way of explaining that the PAS is higher than a 5-series, on which it is based, but lower than the X5. This semi-command seating position (surely this gets tiring to say after awhile) allows for "easy entry and greater visibility".

BMW claims the car has coupe-like styling despite being a four-door sedan with a hatchback boot. Clearly lessons from the X6 haven't been learnt. The wheelbase has been stretched to increase interior space allowing for adjustable rear seats. The seats are able to slide forwards to create more luggage space and backwards to increase rear passenger legroom. In the video, something about economy class and first class in an airplane was mentioned, but I sorta lost interest by then.

So, the company that brought us the Sports Activity Coupe (X6) has now introduced to the world another car that we don't need, to a market that probably doesn't exist. Credit crunch? What credit crunch?